Is accessing intuition and authenticity really as simple as following joy?
And isn’t that escapist and selfish, especially during these times?
Yes, it’s that simple. And no, it’s actually service oriented. Let me explain.
This blogged is best enjoyed by starting at the beginning, but because this post is about shedding society’s pressure to be an expert to opt instead for the joy and freedom provided by a beginner’s mindset, you might as well start here, without any biases or expectations. If you feel completely lost, though, I recommend scrolling all the way down to the bottom of this webpage.
By doing what feels joyful to you, you can access your parasympathetic nervous system, which holds the many facets of love, including play, mindfulness, creativity, wonder, care, nurture, generativity, and eros. Joy serves as a gateway to who you authentically are because it allows you to access the emotions that constitute a regulated nervous system. From these emotions, you can handle all the complexities of the adult world. We don’t actually need our sympathetic nervous system – which encodes panic, fear, the need to be in control, shame, depression, and anger – at all in this day in age in which we are not running from sabertoothed tigers. We have completely evolved beyond its usefulness. Even in aggressive sports, such as boxing, the most successful athletes credit their prowess to meditation and the parasympathetic nervous system, which endows them with the capacity to intuitively react from a flow state rather than having to plan from their brains (which would not only delay their response times but also lock their bodies into rigidity). The best decision making comes from the creative flows of the parasympathetic nervous system, and the most respected leaders and friends operate from assertiveness (parasympathetic nervous system) versus the sympathetic nervous system’s trademarks of passivity or aggressiveness. Even when under attack, assertiveness allows the fiercest response because of the heart-packed umph of defending one’s self from a confident- and love-oriented belief that you and the principles and people you are fighting for matter, rather than the insecurities engendered by fighting from fear.
Following joy is not selfish or frivolous. What feels joyful to you is a clue to what moves and impassions you, which can include a project that feels inspiring, not just leisure. But permitting yourself pleasure and owning the right to engage in what feels enjoyable to you is on its own critical to your adult functioning. This is because the parts of who operate from the sympathetic nervous system are childhood parts locked in time fighting to survive. They never evolved beyond the age of the trauma in question that seemed to mandate a sympathetic nervous system response at the time, and they are missing out on crucial developmental needs because of this. Our most important need is innocent play and wonder, as previously established, which serves as the foundation for trusting ourselves and others and for discovering who we are and our unique gifts. By shifting out of the sympathetic nervous system’s need for control, rushing, and competing to survive and instead following joy, what you are doing is liberating the child parts within you and letting them be children. Then, they can let go of the steering wheel and allow the true adult components within you to come forward. These adult parts can operate using the other love-oriented functions of the parasympathic nervous systems from which they can handle all the complexities of the adult world, and even those big existential questions. So, yes, all you need to do to evolve into a true, capable adult is follow joy. Then, not only will you realize who you really are (an energy that has been there all along though you may seldom access it) but you will also be able to effectively handle the adult world. You will also be able to connect to other people on a deeper level not possible from the sympathetic nervous system, because we can’t access any component of love when in a panic-fueled sympathetic state – this is simply not possible in our bifurcated brain. From the parasympathetic nervous system, via the joy gateway, you will unlock the selflessness required to serve the greater world around you and the inspiration with which to do so. Only from “I matter” [enough to listen to and take care of myself] can you access “you matter” and proceed genuinely from this care.
As established in previous blogs, the sympathetic nervous system leads us to feel addicted to its components and then, from these energies, create inaccurate stories about our realities, making us feel like there is something wrong with us, that we must fend for ourselves, and forever imprisoning us in over-thinking. It also leads to major energy wastes, not only in making us believe a paranoid story is true, but then in devising a multitude of bad ideas to defend against its what-ifs. You can invite each of your parts stuck in the sympathetic nervous system to become involved in their liberation by inviting them to determine how to better expend this energy. When one comes up, such as a part wearing shame-colored glasses, lovingly and compassionately ask it: “if you had had gotten everything you needed in childhood and didn’t think you had to survive by telling those shame stories to preempt criticism from others, what would you have put this energy to instead? Can you do that today and be responsible for allowing us to actually live a life that interests us?” Another version of this same question is: “What would it look like to convert this level of shame into an equivalent amount of confidence?” Each of our sympathetic nervous system parts can become its positive alternative by shedding the trauma glasses and cloaks, wherein the part fueling fear can become an equally vociferous and powerful brave-one/risk-taker in a healed inner landscape; anger can become passion, vitality, and self-empowerment; resentment can become a dream-seeker; panic can become a self-care-lover and present-moment-savorer; and depression can become a life-enjoyer. We aren’t trying to get rid of any of our parts; they are all crucial components of our authenticity, they are just stuck in their traumatized, limited forms. We need them to each invert their pyramids (stacked on top of each other, the shadow and healed versions of your parts look like a diamond: as below, so above); once flipped into their true forms, your parts can join you in your wholeness and bring your Self/soul home to your body. The key to convincing the sympathetic nervous system guard dogs to allow this shift to occur (and to relax enough to let you into the parasympathetic nervous system in general) is to see this pursuit as joyful. Like engaging in a treasure hunt, invite each of your protectors derived in childhood to seek their true form. If they/you perceive this as work or a to-do, it won’t happen, because you’ll be pursuing it from the sympathetic nervous system, which blocks the parasympathetic. If you are doing it from a place of needing to be in control or knowing what the outcome will be, same thing. Your unfolding must instead be seen as the exciting gift it is, with childlike wonder and curiosity, for and from joy. For and from you — your authentic You. This is what they call soul searching, and this is how to actually make it fruitful.