Hooray! Here we are, finally moving out of nesting. Once we can feel safe and at home in our bodies, we can reclaim the second developmental step that would have emerged naturally if we had received everything we needed in infancy: agenda-free self-expression. If you’re not sure you’re quite ready to move to this step, try the following italicized exercise to check. If you’re blaring full-speed ahead, catch you in a few paragraphs – but be careful, the capacity to slow down and marvel, with all five senses, at the act of living is what the second stage is all about; if your tendency is to rush ahead in hopes that joy may be just around the corner, your mind-body-soul trifecta have yet to integrate and orient around the safety that characterizes the first developmental stage.
Place one hand on your belly and one on your heart. Ask yourself what freedom means to you. See if you can visualize what tomorrow would look like were you totally unencumbered by the past (or anything else that imposes negative tethers on you or restricts you in any way, though by definition the source of any obstacle is in the past; even fears about the future have their roots in historical threat postures – the future is amorphous and uncertain and thus can have no hold over you). If I were to wave a magic wand that allowed you to wake up tomorrow completely free to live a life of pure joy, happiness, and child-like wonder, how would you know you were free? What would your body feel like? How would you relate to your bed, to the sheets, mattress, and pillow beneath you? How would you move through your space? How would you interact with others? What would your day look like? How would your five senses relate to your external environment? Use back and forth tapping with your hands moving left and right on your thighs, shoulders, or elbows to strengthen deepen and grow the feelings of freedom until they feel as strong as possible.
If you can conceptualize a positive future, you’re ready to actualize it. Trauma keeps us past-oriented, but if you feel safe enough to envision the future you want for yourself, you can make it happen. Invite all parts of your consciousness to help with the visualization so they know they have nothing to fear. If they let go of their old ways and attempts to maintain control, the result will be this state of freedom. Letting go of control does not create a power vacuum in which some scary unknown will take ahold of your consciousness or force you to live a life that doesn’t resonate. Letting go of control allows you to live your life and experience the joy that can only come via feeling safe enough to orient to your present reality with all five senses. This is the gift of the second stage of development. When we let ourselves experience our world with child-like awe and curiosity, we leave space for fun and excitement to occur. We can’t plan or orchestrate a feeling of joy. True joy and creativity come from allowing spontaneity. Your unique gifts will then emerge when you let your intuition show you who you really are and what you are capable of when you don’t feel like you’re under pressure to make something happen, but presence itself is a tremendous gift – it’s what allows you to enjoy being alive. Many of us never had the chance to actually just be creative children, or if we did, we likely rushed through this stage due to the pressures perceived by our parents to keep up with the pace of our society. Most of us don’t know what our minds are capable of when allowed to play with uncontrolled, agenda-free idle time. What is your mind capable of when you let is create or have fun just for the sake of it?
Once you feel safe enough to approach your life with wonder, you really are free from the past. If you can allow yourself to adopt a youthful, beginner’s mindset and, like a two-year-old, just have fun moving a paintbrush without even knowing what you’re creating or having expectations on the act of painting, you are free. As discussed in previous posts, it is the postures that historically kept us safe that become the symptoms for which we seek present treatment (anxiety, for example, likely emerged from needing to scan your environment to make sure you were safe or preemptively planning for the worst to prevent being blindsided by a hurtful caregiver). What this means is that many of us are in prisons of our own making, clinging to a crutch for a leg that is no longer broken. Our past-oriented stress, anger, or sadness often lead to ailments that look like very real threats in the present, such as thyroid, organ, hair, or hormonal problems, which perpetuate feelings of hopelessness, helplessness, or something being wrong with us; were we to recognize how safe our bodies and minds truly are in the present, health problems too would go away. Thus, if you can conceptualize freedom, you can make it happen. The one “exception” may be still being surrounded by perpetrators of abuse, but you are agent in establishing boundaries. You are free now. Your life can be filled with joy.
Okay, now we are ready to toddle around in timeless wonder. Create time for yourself to reclaim play and agenda-less expression. Make dates to go out in nature with a variety of art supplies, allowing yourself to then be inspired. Maybe you’ll use the clay you packed, or maybe it will be the colored pencils. Maybe you will just sing with the birds, or dance around a tree. Maybe you’ll end up making snow angels. The point is that you won’t know until you get there, and then a powerful force within you will show you what it looks like when you truly play.
Put on music and close your eyes. Notice how your body wants to move. Allow discomfort, and then move through it. See how your legs want to shake out distress. Feel how your hand wants to scribble away anger. Once you have released negativity or doubt, allow yourself to be moved by play. How does your voice want to become involved? Do you want to crawl on the ground and meow like a cat? Do you want to sing? Giggle?
How would you move through your space if you were young enough to not care about how you were perceived by others? That is what we are going towards. It’s not about the output but the process. It really is just about living your life (for you). Carving out time where you can really slow down and get into your groove is ideal, but this isn’t always possible. Reclaiming play can also happen while you wash the dishes. Maybe it’s singing or dancing while doing so, but maybe it’s just feeling the temperature of the water and the pleasure of really being in your physical body. We are sensual beings. The second developmental stage is giving yourself the permission to see just how fun and exciting expressing these senses can be.